I love new beginnings and fresh starts. I love starting a new month and turning the page on the calendar. I love the organization and ambition that comes with these starts. Often, it’s because I love routine. January & September are 2 of my favorite months for starting routine, finding organization, getting back into my “groove”. They are natural beginnings.
But, with that comes the stress and anxiety of it all. What do I fill my days with, who do I see, I don’t want to over schedule, but also don’t want to miss out. I want to have a schedule to keep things flowing, but life should be spontaneous too (Let’s be honest, spontaneous for me is making plans the night before). With a new year also comes those pesky resolutions. Even though I dislike resolutions because in fact, I think we should always resolve to be a better version of ourselves, not just in January of a new year, but I also love having goals, and it’s a good starting place, a new beginning.
This year, my resolution (cringe) is health, but on a holistic level. Not just a “I’m joining the gym in January to quit in March” health kick, but whole life health. I’ll break it down.
Emotional Health: Now that the twins are one, and the ‘crisis’ of the 1st year is over, I have had a lot of time to think and reflect. Which has brought up a whole realm of emotions that I have to work through. I realize how much I pushed aside to survive and now it’s coming back at me, so I hope to have a better handle on that. I also need to take care of myself – and be okay taking time for me. It doesn’t make me a bad mama, or selfish, rather in order to emotionally be available for my family, I need to be taking care of me. I’m not sure what this looks like yet, but have some ideas.
Mental Health: I deal with anxiety. Sometimes it’s worse than other times. Lately is a worse time. So, I’m working through that. I continue to develop “tools for my toolbox” to help manage anxious moments/thoughts/experiences, and hope to continue to do that so that I can teach my children these tools too, should they ever need them.
Physical Health: Yep, it’s in here too. I do need to be more active, and I need to eat better. It’s important. So I’m making changes that are small (but mighty!) in hopes that my physical self benefits! Ideally, I’d love to see the weight loss, but my goal is strength – that I’m not winded or tired when I should be able to walk further, or run up the stairs to pick up the dropped soothie. That I can keep up with ever more mobile toddlers and be the best mom I can be.
Spiritual Health: This is an area that has suffered this last year and I know it needs to change. I need to let go of how things used to be before kids, and accept that it looks different now. Church isn’t the same because I have 2 babies with me – but it doesn’t mean I can’t benefit from it, I need to let go of expecting the same feelings and experiences even though my life has completely changed. I also know I need more in my life daily. Prayer time; reading; quiet time…. these all seem like they would be great, but I don’t know how to make time, it seems hard. That needs to change. I need to start small. I have a devotion book waiting to be started, maybe that is where I will begin.
Relationships: Life has changed – and change is hard. Having the twins has been amazing, and I wouldn’t change it! But with having them, it’s changed where my time is, and what I can commit to, and what I can give others – much less than what it was before. To be honest, I feel like a crummy friend. I cancel plans, I’m emotional, I’m consumed with my own chaos that I probably don’t listen enough. I also don’t know how to ask my friends to meet me where I’m at, I don’t like being needy – I like being “whatever works for you” kind of friend. But I’m not in that place. My what was once large group of friends is getting smaller and smaller into a few friends who I need more than ever. This year I want to cultivate those relationships and be the best friend I can be for the stage of life I am at. I want to be the best wife and mama I can be. I want to be the best daughter and sister I can be. The best I can be, at this phase, with a crazy life, and to be okay that that me, is different that me 2 years ago and even different from the me next year.
So, 2016, I welcome you. I welcome the challenges we’ll have, the bridges we’ll cross, the burdens we’ll over come, and the change that is bound to join us.