Monthly Archives: January 2016

Favorite Things: Arbonne

Throughout the year my love of make-up wanes and waxes depending on where I’m at in my life.  Sometimes I can’t get enough, and other times, I can’t even find time (or desire) to do anything – usually I fall somewhere in the middle.  Growing up my mom taught my sister and I the importance of finding our “5 minute face” – that way it wasn’t a chore if we want to quickly freshen up.  It was quick, easy and it really can make you feel a little better.

My 5 minute face, typically includes a BB cream, bronzer, blush, mascara and a bit of eye shadow.  Nothing fancy, but it’s a quick little pick me up (and with the twins, trust me, I need this some days!)

But sometimes, I want my 15 minute face – I really never spend more than 30 mins in the bathroom on my hair and make-up so my face can’t take all that long!  When I do this, there’s fancier eyeshadow, and more contouring and highlighting!

I’m on a make-up binge right now, where I’m enjoying new techniques, updating my make-up bag (out with the old and in with the new!) and it’s been a fun hobby to play around.

But, what I love most is what I use under my make-up.  Last fall, my friend introduced me to the Arbonne Facial line, and I’m hooked!! It has seriously made my skin so much better – I’m so happy with it – even when I have my no make-up days, I feel prouder of my complexion than I have most of my adult life.

The products which are my go to’s:

Fc5 Cleanser and Toner; rE9 Eye Cream; rE9 Night Cream & Fc5 daycream.   I have a few others I use including an exfoliator and a weekly masque, but these are the “I can’t live without” – the eye cream is amazing – especially for these twin-mama-almost-30 tired eyes!

If you are looking for a consultant and want to try some things out, I can direct you to my distributer who would help you out and hook you up!

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The best sounds in the world

This last year there are certain things that bring a joy to my heart that I didn’t know was possible before.  One of my very favorite things right now, is the chatter/laughter and goofing that the twins do in their cribs when they wake in the morning.  Recently, I had to rearrange the nursery because Mr. T was pulling the curtain into his bed and trying to peek out the window.  The new arrangement has left the cribs closer together and now they can fully ‘play’ with each other.  In the morning, T is always the 1st one up, and I hear him chat with himself, doze, giggle, doze, and then I hear him try and wake his sister for a rousing game of peek-a-boo.

Finally, she wakes, and the laughter ensues.  These two make each other laugh like none other. They love eachother so much, and already truly have that twin-bond you hear so much about.  I love that they want to not only sit near each other, but typically on each other – or at least touching while having their bottles, or playtime.  That when they are having dinner they will take food off one another’s plate, but also put favorites on the others plate too.

I love that at 1 year old they truly know each other.  They really do have their little best friend built in from the start.  Having twins has stretched and challenged me in ways I never knew possible, but it has also brought me joy in ways I never knew I’d experience. My heart has grown! The simple things are my favorite things, and each morning, I start each day with the little wake-up call of my twins laughter.

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Toddling Around

Mr. T is now a toddler! Last week, he took a few steps, and this entire week he has been working hard on figuring out how to toddle around.  He’s getting pretty sturdy now, and is loving that he can carry toys/snacks/water with him while he walks, which is pretty awesome for a 1-year old.

It’s amazing to watch a little baby learn to walk (really, to learn anything).  But what struck me as I watched him all week, is that when he would fall down, how quickly he’d get back up and try again.  Over, and over again.  Sometimes making it only 1 step before tumbling, but almost immediately, trying to stand again.  Also noticing that by the end of the day, when he was getting tired, he would fall more, but still get up to walk around, even if crawling would be easier.

I look at his determination to figure this out, to do it well, and I admire him.  Yes, I admire my 1-year old.  Because, in my own life, I don’t act in the same way.  In my life, if I get knocked down, I tend to pout, or wonder why, or question, or complain.  I don’t just stand up to try again, even if I will only take one step and tumble again.  In my life, I think it’s not fair that I’ve fallen, and that others should care/know/support, even when it’s me who has to get up and move forward. To persevere. To figure out how to do it.

I know that learning to walk and life’s circumstance to really compare, yet to me, they do.  They do because of his attitude toward the situation vs. mine; they do because of his determination vs. my frustration; they do because I can learn a lot from my toddler.

Life has been hard lately for me, I have been knocked down a lot, I have had to work really hard at being present, and not anxious.  To not worry about what could have been, or what might be, but to enjoy (or deal with) what is, right now.  I am grateful that this week, I was able to be present for my son’s walking, to be present in watching him discover this new world and freedom.  To enjoy the squeals of delight in his accomplishment, and the determination to do it again when it was hard.

I was inspired.  Thank-you baby boy.  You teach your mama more than you’ll ever know.

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Dressing Boy-Girl Twins: Flatlay

I love having boy-girl twins! It’s such a neat experience to watch them grow and change into such different little people, yet have so many similarities.  Even though we are raising them the same way at the same time – how different they are, yet how similar they can be.  How ‘boy’ he is, with his “beast mode” as Uncle calls it, when he turns on and just goes, and how dainty she can be, touching everything so gently.  They can also be so tender and kind to eachother, sharing, holding hands and wanting to always be touching!

When we found out it was twins, we knew it would be fun to dress them! You have two to dress! Girls or boys, you can really achieve the “of course their twins” look by dressing them in the same thing (which part of me really hoped for), but I also love the challenge of dressing them to coordinate, and match, but also be girly-boyish.

This last year, I have scoured Instagram, I had a lot of time to be on my phone while nursing, and found some amazing shops! I love to support small business, local business, and find those treasures that are just must haves!

Tonight I was getting laundry folded and as I was piling up the clothes, saw the perfect outfits for them to wear to church tomorrow — so here’s a little idea of how to coordinate your boy-girl twins:

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Adorable, right?  I can’t wait for morning to come and to have them dresses up in this!

Shops are:

Rain People ~ Grey Bonnet a handmade on Vancouver Island treasure, this particular one is made from cashmere, and lined in black cotton.

Minimoc ~ these adorable mocs have adorned the twins feet since they were 6 weeks old, and I have loved them ever since I first saw them! They are so soft, and stay on baby toes! In the winter they keep socks on, but in the summer they can be worn without socks! I have loved every pair!

Goose Loves Lamb ~ The twins closest has many pieces from here and they are hands down my favorite! Locally made on Vancouver Island, this mama of 2 is seriously a sewing-ninja and makes the best baby/toddler clothes! Check her out!!! You wont go wrong!

Little Oak & Rose ~ Aren’t these socks to die for? I have been wanting them for months, but was having trouble tracking down where I could get them, but finally did! I love all her little items for girls – Miss A may need a few things!

The dress & pants are from Carters, the white shirt is from The Gap and the precious sweater is handmade by Auntie (the best!!).

Stay tuned for more dressing boy-girl twins posts!

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Hello, 2016

I love new beginnings and fresh starts.   I love starting a new month and turning the page on the calendar.  I love the organization and ambition that comes with these starts.  Often, it’s because I love routine.  January & September are 2 of my favorite months for starting routine, finding organization, getting back into my “groove”.  They are natural beginnings.

But, with that comes the stress and anxiety of it all.  What do I fill my days with, who do I see, I don’t want to over schedule, but also don’t want to miss out.  I want to have a schedule to keep things flowing, but life should be spontaneous too (Let’s be honest, spontaneous for me is making plans the night before).  With a new year also comes those pesky resolutions.  Even though I dislike resolutions because in fact, I think we should always resolve to be a better version of ourselves, not just in January of a new year, but I also love having goals, and it’s a good starting place, a new beginning.

This year, my resolution (cringe) is health, but on a holistic level.  Not just a “I’m joining the gym in January to quit in March” health kick, but whole life health.  I’ll break it down.

Emotional Health:  Now that the twins are one, and the ‘crisis’ of the 1st year is over, I have had a lot of time to think and reflect.  Which has brought up a whole realm of emotions that I have to work through.  I realize how much I pushed aside to survive and now it’s coming back at me, so I hope to have a better handle on that.   I also need to take care of myself – and be okay taking time for me.  It doesn’t make me a bad mama, or selfish, rather in order to emotionally be available for my family, I need to be taking care of me.  I’m not sure what this looks like yet, but have some ideas.

Mental Health: I deal with anxiety.  Sometimes it’s worse than other times. Lately is a worse time. So, I’m working through that.  I continue to develop “tools for my toolbox” to help manage anxious moments/thoughts/experiences, and hope to continue to do that so that I can teach my children these tools too, should they ever need them.

Physical Health: Yep, it’s in here too.  I do need to be more active, and I need to eat better. It’s important. So I’m making changes that are small (but mighty!) in hopes that my physical self benefits! Ideally, I’d love to see the weight loss, but my goal is strength – that I’m not winded or tired when I should be able to walk further, or run up the stairs to pick up the dropped soothie.  That I can keep up with ever more mobile toddlers and be the best mom I can be.

Spiritual Health:  This is an area that has suffered this last year and I know it needs to change. I need to let go of how things used to be before kids, and accept that it looks different now.  Church isn’t the same because I have 2 babies with me – but it doesn’t mean I can’t benefit from it, I need to let go of expecting the same feelings and experiences even though my life has completely changed.  I also know I need more in my life daily.  Prayer time; reading; quiet time…. these all seem like they would be great, but I don’t know how to make time, it seems hard.  That needs to change. I need to start small.  I have a devotion book waiting to be started, maybe that is where I will begin.

Relationships:  Life has changed – and change is hard.  Having the twins has been amazing, and I wouldn’t change it!  But with having them, it’s changed where my time is, and what I can commit to, and what I can give others – much less than what it was before.  To be honest, I feel like a crummy friend.  I cancel plans, I’m emotional, I’m consumed with my own chaos that I probably don’t listen enough.  I also don’t know how to ask my friends to meet me where I’m at, I don’t like being needy – I like being “whatever works for you” kind of friend.  But I’m not in that place.  My what was once large group of friends is getting smaller and smaller into a few friends who I need more than ever.  This year I want to cultivate those relationships and be the best friend I can be for the stage of life I am at.  I want to be the best wife and mama I can be.  I want to be the best daughter and sister I can be.  The best I can be, at this phase, with a crazy life, and to be okay that that me, is different that me 2 years ago and even different from the me next year.

 

So, 2016, I welcome you.  I welcome the challenges we’ll have, the bridges we’ll cross, the burdens we’ll over come, and the change that is bound to join us.

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Twice the fun!

Double Trouble.

Hands Full.

Better you, than me.

Nice that you are done all at once.

Are they natural?

 

Yes… They are double trouble, but it’s also twice the fun!  Seeing the interaction between these two since they day they were born is worth all the trouble.  How they follow each other around.  Want to be touching when they have their bottles, or held hands while they nursed.  How they’ll share their food off their trays, already knowing what the other likes better (and what they can take for themselves).  How they’ll hurt each other, but then try to make it better.

My hands are full.  I currently have my hands full of 45lbs of baby! That IS a lot to carry around. But in fact, my heart is fuller.  The joy I have of interacting with these two is amazing – so see how unique they are yet at similar they are.  It amazing me every day, that I carried two babies within me!!

Better me that you, for sure!  It takes someone special to have twins – you are stretched in ways you never imagined.  But it is something that I would never change (most days!).

I may be all done having children, but I may not.  Just because I had two at once, or the fact that I had one boy and one girl does not equal that my child bearing days are automatically over. They may be, but God may have other plans for our family too.  Time will tell.

Are they natural?  Are yours?  I know what people are eluding to and frankly, it’s none of your business.  These two beauties are ‘natural’ they have heartbeats, and beautiful eyes, strong hands, and chubby feet.  I carried them in my womb for 36weeks, and felt them kick and interact then.  I prayed for them before they were born, and praised God when we learned of them.

Having twins is an adventure like non-other I’ve been on.  The most challenging and amazing thing I have done!  It’s not how I saw my journey into motherhood, but I also didn’t know how amazing this could really be.

So, my heart is full (as are my hands) with double trouble and twice the fun!  Every day I have two hugs to give, to kisses to receive and 4 beautiful eyes to look into and wonder who these precious little people will become.

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Am I enough?

I realized my blog was down when I went to write this.  So I’m finally posting it here, written January 5th.

The twins are 13 months today.

It’s currently 3:09a.m and I have been up for a while, I can’t sleep. I don’t know why.  But tonight my heart feels heavy.  This happens to me from time to time. A sense that I didn’t do enough, hold them enough, love them enough, do things the right way, do enough, have enough independence, ask for enough help, enjoy the little moments enough.  I do know I worry enough.  That needs to stop.  Well maybe it needs to change. I worry too much about what cannot change, I worry about when they were 3 weeks old did I hold them enough (Phil assures me I did), but why waste worry there?  Maybe I should try and put that energy into making sure that tomorrow I sit with them, play with them, and ignore all the other “things” that need to get done, then it will be one day I won’t have to wonder if I did enough, but, I probably still will wonder.

The last 13 months have been the most amazing and most challenging days of my life.  I have sat in awe of these 2 beautiful little people, but also sat in tears wondering how the heck do I do this.  I have sat holding sweet babies never wanting them to grow up or get bigger, but held onto sweet babies, yearning for when they had better head control or would interact just a little bit more.  In the same moments I would love the tender moments of me and them whilst nursing, yet long for when they could use bottles and I could get something done or have more help.  Parenthood, I’m learning, is not easy, nor does it make sense, or always feel right, and I’m not sure you’ll ever feel you did enough, well, maybe you will, but probably not me.

I recently saw my doctor about this, as sometimes I get more anxious about the “what if’s” then I should and she encouraged me to see things from an outside view.  She continued on and shared her perspective.  To her, I gave birth to twins vaginally and that’s amazing! To her, I nursed exclusively for 6 months, and then continued for a year, supplementing with formula as needed (and to her that is amazing).  To her, after dealing with 5 years of infertility, getting pregnant with twins, carrying to 36week + 4, and having a crazy birth, I kept my head in the game and nourished, loved and cared for two beautiful babies.  To her, at every appointment they were thriving and I was doing well (even though we were watching for PPD).  To her, I have excelled in the 1st year with twins – she told me she was in awe of me, and so proud of me.

But to me, I see that I didn’t do those things enough.

I’m working on changing that.  I’m trying to look at the photo of me holding two beautiful wee babies and to see the beauty of that moment and be thankful for photos, rather than being consumed with fears and worries of what I didn’t do.  I’m trying to be ok that I don’t get everything done and just enjoy them.  But also that it’s ok, if I want them to play, or sleep, so I can get things done.  To be okay with wanting to do nothing else but hang out with them.  But also to be okay with wanting to get out alone and have me time.   Trying to find the balance in that.

Tonight one of my dear twin mama friends is up feeding her little ones, and we texted.  I told her my heart is heavy with worry.  She texted just now saying this: “I’m sure you did (do enough)and look at it this way… Are your babies happy? Do they play? Laugh? I’m sure they do! And that means you did it right. You’re an amazing Momma and I look up to you and respect you and what you have done for your kiddos. I have no doubt in my mind that you did enough… I’m certain actually that you went above and beyond for your kids and that you still do and that’s why you continue to wonder if you do enough… Because you care SOoo much and that’s what drives you to always want to do more… But you need to give yourself permission to realize that and just breathe knowing that your babies are happy and they know they are incredibly loved”

So, I need to remember that. And to celebrate the moments we have.

Today, our twinsies are 13 months.  Today I will try and celebrate that.

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