Category Archives: Infertility

Twins Birth Story

I realized that I never did a blog post on the twins birth story, and felt it was time.  Around the twins 1st birthday, I reflected a lot on their birth, and to be honest, I had to process a lot of it.  It was a good birth, and things went well, but I realized there were also some very tense times, and things that could have gone a bit better, or maybe different is the better term.  Anyway, here we go.

On Tuesday December 2nd I was 36weeks along, and had my weekly OB appointment.  Up until this point, I loved being pregnant, I actually felt pretty good, but the 35-36 week changed.  I wasn’t able to sleep and was getting more and more uncomfortable.  I struggled with my comfort vs. more time in the oven for them, as I knew that was best, and even if I didn’t go into labour, at most I had 2 more weeks to go.  I could do it.

However, at my appointment when my OB asked how I was doing, I fell apart and told her that if we could induce next week (at 37 weeks) that would be best, I was exhausted and emotional.  She said she would see what she could do, but made no promises or plans.  I do live in a small town, and there is no NICU at our hospital, so they want to make sure they are doing what’s best for everyone. I could deal with that.  I made a chiropractor appointment for that week and was going to keep myself busy with visits with friends, and watching Gilmore Girls (my favorite!)

On Thursday December 4th, I didn’t sleep well at all, and that day was feeling pretty tired.  I decided to cancel my chiropractic appointment and would just head to my friends house for our weekly ladies coffee.  While I was getting ready, another friend called to see how I was doing, and while I was on the phone my water broke, around 9a.m.  When I informed Phil that my water broke, and he asked what do we do now, I actually responded with “I don’t know”.  Up until 2 weeks prior, the twins were breach and transverse, so I figured it would be a c-section, unless they flipped, but that far along in a twin pregnancy it’s unlikely.  For whatever reason, I decided not to really learn all the things about protocol when you go into labour, as I didn’t think I would on my own.  At 34 weeks when we learned the twins were both head down, I called my doula, and we had a crash course on vaginal delivery and she assured me she’d walk me through everything.  I felt confident that woman are made to do this, and that we had an excellent care team, one way or another the babies would be earthside, so I tried not to worry too much.   So, Phil suggested that I call my doctor as well as my doula letting them know.   After speaking to them, it was time for Phil and I to get ready to head to the hospital. We arrived shortly after 11a.m and were admitted.

The OB on call came and met us and checked things out.  My water did in fact break, I was in labour, and they were going to decide what the care plan would be for us.  After some discussion they felt that because there was no paediatrician that day, and maternity being quite busy that it would be best to transfer me to a bigger hospital.  Plus the fact that I was 36weeks + 3 days, it would be beneficial to be near a NICU just in case.  So, we waited for AirAmbulance to come and get us.  We organized how our car would get there, who would watch the dogs, and Phil made a trip home for some extra things.  We waited, and waited, and waited.   Unfortunately, due to weather they weren’t able to come and get us, so we settled in for the night, and they hoped we could be transferred in the morning.  With that we went to bed and were going to try and get some sleep, because the next day we would be meeting our sweet babies.

We had just laid down, and started to dose off, when things changed and I went into active labour.  The nurse hooked me back up to the monitors and I was indeed in labour, back labour at that, which is so uncomfortable.  Around 2a.m the OB came in to see how things were going, I was 7cm dilated and was no longer going to be transferred and would be delivering locally.  The anesthetist came in and I received my epidural and now we went to sleep once again to rest as much as we could before meeting our babies the next day.

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Keeping everyone up to date and how things are progressing

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Nothing like seeing two tables set up to really realize there are 2 babies on the way. 

Around 7a.m on December 5, 2014,  the OB came in to see how things progressed over night, and to everyones surprise I was fully dilated.  He said to continue to rest, and was going to figure out who our team would be, and book the OR for delivery, for now, we waited.  Around 10am it was time to start pushing. My doula (who was amazing and I would highly recommend) arrived and it was time to learn how to push.  At first the nurse guided me when to push, but it didn’t take long for me to feel the urge and inform those around me that I needed to push.  I did have an epidural, but I could feel much of what was going on.  I pushed for 2 hours however,  with twins, when pushing, all the pressure doesn’t go to baby A, but is distributed between them, so even though it was progressing, it was taking longer than it might have had it been a singleton.

At noon, our OB came in and asked if we were ready.  He felt confident we could deliver in labour and delivery, and wouldn’t have to go to the OR.  The doors opened and like a production and the team entered.  There was a doctor and nurse for each baby, the OB, and a nurse for me, a nurse overseeing the room, and an extra nurse for the doctors assistance.  Plus, me, hubby and our doula.  It was a full room, everyone introduced themselves and it was time.

With the help of a vacuum, our son was born at 12:21p.m, weighing 5lbs7oz and was 18.5″ long!  We did not know what we were having, but my whole pregnancy, I did feel that he was a boy.  Before the OB was able to break baby B’s water, she flipped and was breach, and unfortunately her little arm was stuck above her head.  The OB tried to sweep her arm down, but couldn’t get it down, and she needed to be delivered, as they were having a harder time finding her heartbeat with all the commotion.  So she was delivered breech, and on the way out, she broke her little arm, but at 12:26p.m. we welcomed our sweet girl into the world, weighing 6lbs11oz and was 19.75″ long.  They were here, after years of infertility, years of prayers, and hopes and waiting, our babies were here.  A moment that was so beautiful for us.

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Our little man

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Our baby girl 

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Our 1st family photo with the twins

We stayed 5 days at the hospital – between the little Miss needing glucose stabilization and then little Mr having low bilirubin levels, but soon enough we were on our way home.  It was an emotional few days (the standard day 3 being the worst) but everything went well.  I’m grateful for all the doctors and nurses that cared for us.  There are some things I do think could have gone different, and sometimes it makes me sad that I didn’t advocate better for myself, but overall, we did what was best for us and the babies at the time with the information we knew then.

They were so tiny, this photo they are snuggled together in one bassinet.

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Heading home! It was a big day to be discharged and going home to start our life as a family of 4.  You’ll notice little Miss has her arm all tucked in, she has to have it splinted to herself for a few weeks while her humorous bone healed up.

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It was the most empowering and amazing thing I had accomplished in my life up until that point (I would say nursing twins is a close second – another post on that one day).  I felt strong, beautiful, exhausted and extremely in love.  I was a mother.

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Becoming a Mom

I’m sure many of you can relate, you’re young, fall in love, get married and start thinking about what it will look like to become a mom.  I did.  We were married at 21, and after a year of marriage decided we would start trying for our family, surely it would go as planned, and we could be done having our kids by the time we were 30.  We started trying in the summer, so we would have a spring baby, because spring is the time of new beginnings, new life.

Nope.

Not for 5 years.

We couldn’t get pregnant. For no reason at all.  We were in the ambiguous category of “unexplained infertility”. Awesome.  I’m an information person, if there is information, details, diagnosis, I can study it, I can find ways to maybe make things better, or accept what can’t change. But “unexplained”, or “there’s no reason this isn’t happening” was heart breaking.  To all standards, we should be able to have children, but it wasn’t happening.

We prayed, we hoped, we cried.  I talked to so many encouraging people, those who had children, those who struggled with infertility, those were were never able to have children (and some who chose not to).  My world became completed consumed with this. It was exhausting.  It took tolls on my family, friends, community, church, it took the biggest toll on me.

On our last cycle of IUI (intrauterine insemination (commonly referred to as the turkey baster method)), I became pregnant. It was the shock of a life time let me tell you.  This positive test, would be just the beginning of my journey into mommy-hood, and staring to learn who this new person, I would be become.

At 7 weeks, we had the next surprise, that we were expected not one, but two sweet babies! SHOCK! But this was going to be amazing.

I had an incredibly healthy pregnancy, no complications, and at 36wks3days, my water broke, and the next day we welcomed our little man cub, and little lady cub into the world.  In December…. not in the spring.  But that was exactly how it was suppose to be.

The last 10 months have been a whirlwind of change and excitement and tears and long days.  Smiles and laughter and everything in between.  I have learned a lot, on being a parent, on being a completely different parent than what I expected.  I’ve learned a lot of my P-Daddy, and have fallen even more in love with him.  And I’m even more grateful for our family and friends, who have loved on us in more ways than I can count.

I’m excited to share all the things I have found a long the way that have helped make my life easier, and give you a glimpse into my world with twins.  Writing again gives me joy, to do something for me, so stay tuned as I start to figure out where this will all go… until next time

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Infertility & Us.

Infertility.

A big word, filled with an array of emotions, feeling, ups & downs and ultimately something I never expected to be a part of my life, because lets be honest, it wasn’t going to happen to me, it wasn’t in my plan.

However, it is in our vocabulary and is part of our life and is happening to us right now.  Phil and I have been struggling with infertility for many years now and finally I feel like perhaps I’ll be able to share a bit of our journey.  Maybe it will be more for me to get feelings off my chest, maybe it will shed some light on infertility situations for you who have someone in your life who are dealing with it, or perhaps it will encourage someone in their own journey.  But for today, it helps me to write my thoughts, my struggles and our journey.

Phil and I like any young couple thought as soon as we were ready for a family it would happen, perhaps with a few months of trying but it would be magical and exciting and fit in perfectly with our plan.  I remember thinking which month we would start to try in order to not be pregnant during the summer, or so that I wouldn’t miss big events… because, I of course was in control, right? Wrong.

Eventually I came to the realization that I had to let go and let it happen… my new outlook was sure to work and we would conceive anytime.  All of our friends had no problems getting pregnant, and jokes were made it must be in the water, but for us no matter what water I drank, or how many babies I held, I still, month after month, came up empty, no pregnancy, no baby.

Now, nearly 5 years later (not consecutively but near close) we are in a new place of our journey.   Diagnosed with “unexplained infertility”. Oh, how I wish we had a reason for our infertility it would make it much easier to understand, or better yet ‘fix’ but instead, we continue to have tests and procedures, only to find out everything is as it should be and we are still in a place of unknowns.

Infertility is emotionally, physically and mentally draining. Its exhausting on our marriage, on our relationships with friends and even with family.  It is hard to be in this place for so long and feel like there is no end.  As much as I know people in our life are tired of hearing about the same old same old, infertility talk, we are even more exhausted of that being our reality.  We know we should relax, and just let go – but please understand, that it is much easier said than done.

We are hopeful though. Phil and I believe in a God who is greater than all of this, who can heal and who has a greater plan for our life than even what we could plan.  We still hold onto hope that it include children as our hearts are to have a family.  We believe that 2014 is going to be an amazing year for us, that we will be blessed in amazing ways and will grow and learn and continue to be on this journey.  Even amongst the darkest days in this journey we are grateful for our community – friends and family who have surrounded us with love and support, who have truly connected with us where we are at and help us to look forward even when we feel hopeless.

So, here we are, unexplained infertility.

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