Infertility & Us.

Infertility.

A big word, filled with an array of emotions, feeling, ups & downs and ultimately something I never expected to be a part of my life, because lets be honest, it wasn’t going to happen to me, it wasn’t in my plan.

However, it is in our vocabulary and is part of our life and is happening to us right now.  Phil and I have been struggling with infertility for many years now and finally I feel like perhaps I’ll be able to share a bit of our journey.  Maybe it will be more for me to get feelings off my chest, maybe it will shed some light on infertility situations for you who have someone in your life who are dealing with it, or perhaps it will encourage someone in their own journey.  But for today, it helps me to write my thoughts, my struggles and our journey.

Phil and I like any young couple thought as soon as we were ready for a family it would happen, perhaps with a few months of trying but it would be magical and exciting and fit in perfectly with our plan.  I remember thinking which month we would start to try in order to not be pregnant during the summer, or so that I wouldn’t miss big events… because, I of course was in control, right? Wrong.

Eventually I came to the realization that I had to let go and let it happen… my new outlook was sure to work and we would conceive anytime.  All of our friends had no problems getting pregnant, and jokes were made it must be in the water, but for us no matter what water I drank, or how many babies I held, I still, month after month, came up empty, no pregnancy, no baby.

Now, nearly 5 years later (not consecutively but near close) we are in a new place of our journey.   Diagnosed with “unexplained infertility”. Oh, how I wish we had a reason for our infertility it would make it much easier to understand, or better yet ‘fix’ but instead, we continue to have tests and procedures, only to find out everything is as it should be and we are still in a place of unknowns.

Infertility is emotionally, physically and mentally draining. Its exhausting on our marriage, on our relationships with friends and even with family.  It is hard to be in this place for so long and feel like there is no end.  As much as I know people in our life are tired of hearing about the same old same old, infertility talk, we are even more exhausted of that being our reality.  We know we should relax, and just let go – but please understand, that it is much easier said than done.

We are hopeful though. Phil and I believe in a God who is greater than all of this, who can heal and who has a greater plan for our life than even what we could plan.  We still hold onto hope that it include children as our hearts are to have a family.  We believe that 2014 is going to be an amazing year for us, that we will be blessed in amazing ways and will grow and learn and continue to be on this journey.  Even amongst the darkest days in this journey we are grateful for our community – friends and family who have surrounded us with love and support, who have truly connected with us where we are at and help us to look forward even when we feel hopeless.

So, here we are, unexplained infertility.

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2 thoughts on “Infertility & Us.

  1. Rachael Konway

    This post touches me deeply in ways I can’t even comprehend… We will be keeping you in our thoughts and prayers, although something tells me 2014 is going to be a great year for many reasons. Love and hugs to you both! <3

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