Twice the fun!

Double Trouble.

Hands Full.

Better you, than me.

Nice that you are done all at once.

Are they natural?

 

Yes… They are double trouble, but it’s also twice the fun!  Seeing the interaction between these two since they day they were born is worth all the trouble.  How they follow each other around.  Want to be touching when they have their bottles, or held hands while they nursed.  How they’ll share their food off their trays, already knowing what the other likes better (and what they can take for themselves).  How they’ll hurt each other, but then try to make it better.

My hands are full.  I currently have my hands full of 45lbs of baby! That IS a lot to carry around. But in fact, my heart is fuller.  The joy I have of interacting with these two is amazing – so see how unique they are yet at similar they are.  It amazing me every day, that I carried two babies within me!!

Better me that you, for sure!  It takes someone special to have twins – you are stretched in ways you never imagined.  But it is something that I would never change (most days!).

I may be all done having children, but I may not.  Just because I had two at once, or the fact that I had one boy and one girl does not equal that my child bearing days are automatically over. They may be, but God may have other plans for our family too.  Time will tell.

Are they natural?  Are yours?  I know what people are eluding to and frankly, it’s none of your business.  These two beauties are ‘natural’ they have heartbeats, and beautiful eyes, strong hands, and chubby feet.  I carried them in my womb for 36weeks, and felt them kick and interact then.  I prayed for them before they were born, and praised God when we learned of them.

Having twins is an adventure like non-other I’ve been on.  The most challenging and amazing thing I have done!  It’s not how I saw my journey into motherhood, but I also didn’t know how amazing this could really be.

So, my heart is full (as are my hands) with double trouble and twice the fun!  Every day I have two hugs to give, to kisses to receive and 4 beautiful eyes to look into and wonder who these precious little people will become.

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Am I enough?

I realized my blog was down when I went to write this.  So I’m finally posting it here, written January 5th.

The twins are 13 months today.

It’s currently 3:09a.m and I have been up for a while, I can’t sleep. I don’t know why.  But tonight my heart feels heavy.  This happens to me from time to time. A sense that I didn’t do enough, hold them enough, love them enough, do things the right way, do enough, have enough independence, ask for enough help, enjoy the little moments enough.  I do know I worry enough.  That needs to stop.  Well maybe it needs to change. I worry too much about what cannot change, I worry about when they were 3 weeks old did I hold them enough (Phil assures me I did), but why waste worry there?  Maybe I should try and put that energy into making sure that tomorrow I sit with them, play with them, and ignore all the other “things” that need to get done, then it will be one day I won’t have to wonder if I did enough, but, I probably still will wonder.

The last 13 months have been the most amazing and most challenging days of my life.  I have sat in awe of these 2 beautiful little people, but also sat in tears wondering how the heck do I do this.  I have sat holding sweet babies never wanting them to grow up or get bigger, but held onto sweet babies, yearning for when they had better head control or would interact just a little bit more.  In the same moments I would love the tender moments of me and them whilst nursing, yet long for when they could use bottles and I could get something done or have more help.  Parenthood, I’m learning, is not easy, nor does it make sense, or always feel right, and I’m not sure you’ll ever feel you did enough, well, maybe you will, but probably not me.

I recently saw my doctor about this, as sometimes I get more anxious about the “what if’s” then I should and she encouraged me to see things from an outside view.  She continued on and shared her perspective.  To her, I gave birth to twins vaginally and that’s amazing! To her, I nursed exclusively for 6 months, and then continued for a year, supplementing with formula as needed (and to her that is amazing).  To her, after dealing with 5 years of infertility, getting pregnant with twins, carrying to 36week + 4, and having a crazy birth, I kept my head in the game and nourished, loved and cared for two beautiful babies.  To her, at every appointment they were thriving and I was doing well (even though we were watching for PPD).  To her, I have excelled in the 1st year with twins – she told me she was in awe of me, and so proud of me.

But to me, I see that I didn’t do those things enough.

I’m working on changing that.  I’m trying to look at the photo of me holding two beautiful wee babies and to see the beauty of that moment and be thankful for photos, rather than being consumed with fears and worries of what I didn’t do.  I’m trying to be ok that I don’t get everything done and just enjoy them.  But also that it’s ok, if I want them to play, or sleep, so I can get things done.  To be okay with wanting to do nothing else but hang out with them.  But also to be okay with wanting to get out alone and have me time.   Trying to find the balance in that.

Tonight one of my dear twin mama friends is up feeding her little ones, and we texted.  I told her my heart is heavy with worry.  She texted just now saying this: “I’m sure you did (do enough)and look at it this way… Are your babies happy? Do they play? Laugh? I’m sure they do! And that means you did it right. You’re an amazing Momma and I look up to you and respect you and what you have done for your kiddos. I have no doubt in my mind that you did enough… I’m certain actually that you went above and beyond for your kids and that you still do and that’s why you continue to wonder if you do enough… Because you care SOoo much and that’s what drives you to always want to do more… But you need to give yourself permission to realize that and just breathe knowing that your babies are happy and they know they are incredibly loved”

So, I need to remember that. And to celebrate the moments we have.

Today, our twinsies are 13 months.  Today I will try and celebrate that.

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Life with Twins: Nap-time

We all know that sleep in imperative to life.  I never realized how good I had it before the twins.  I enjoyed naps, I had long luxurious sleeps, in clean pajamas (and clean sheets!).  I went to bed when I wanted to, and most of the time, was ready to wake up (because I had an appropriate amount of sleep).

Then I got pregnant.

By the end of my pregnancy, moving my whale of a belly from one location to the next was a work out, which in the end, left me winded and I had to pee. Which was my next olympic event. But, I digress.

From the beginning, with the twins, it’s always been, when one sleeps, the other sleeps, when one’s awake, so is the other.  Typically it works.  Often one is sacrificed to maintain the schedule.  But it works. Until sleep regressions. Or teething.  Or being sick. Or because they simply decided that today why would they sleep.

Our daytime sleep had been pretty awesome for quite a while.  Yay me! But lately, the twins are in these hyper-sensitive light sleeps which are so easily interrupted.  Typically they are managing the “if one is awake, the other is awake” on their own… great right? No. Because one might wake up after a mere 20 minutes, and who only wants a 20 minute nap? Not me. (neither to they, but they seem to forget that).

Today I successfully got them down for their morning nap within 10 minutes of eachother.  It was glorious, all I heard was the hum of the fan over the monitor, my favorite morning sound.  I was just sitting down to enjoy my cup of coffee and read my book.  Bliss. Today was starting off right.

Then the hubs came in the back door (which is allowed!), and the dogs barked (which usually doesn’t matter, and actually usually they don’t), but today….  the blissful sound over the monitor quickly changed to cries…. from both… after a mere 37 minutes.  Too soon.

Let’s be logical for 1 minute.  This was no fault of anyone. Daytime sleep has been crummy. They have been light sleepers.  I know this. I’m a calm-collected mama.

Now, let’s be real.  Me to hubs: “Seriously? You knew they were asleep, you couldn’t have remembered to take your coffee with you as to not make the dogs bark and wake the babies?!”   Hubs to me: {blank look of confusion, as I come into the house all the time}.

Not my finest moment.

I like to think of myself as a calm, loving, patient person.  Which I am.  But this other side comes out after sleepless nights, and not getting “my” time during the day.  The side that’s quick to be mad and lay blame because my perfect morning was crushed.

Sigh.

I’m learning to roll with it. Not the easiest thing, but trying to get better.  Hubs is an amazing support, and does so much to help me out always.  The dogs bark.  It’s life.  And hopefully next week the babies sleep better. And if not then, I hold onto the fact that when they are 5 we won’t be having daytime naps, so I’ll be worrying about a whole different basket of things.

In my Instagram worthy life, the photo this afternoon that was posted of me sleeping with my man cub.  Precious. Calm. Loving.  That’s true too. That did happen and I loved every moment of that 45 minute sweaty nap with him, listening to his deep breaths, and watching him sleep smile.  I cherished it.

Naptime snuggles with the mancub

But a mere 5 hours before, I was so wound up by their lack of sleep.  Mama-hood is hard.  Whether you a mama to one, two, or many! Singletons or multiples! It’s hard. But it’s beautiful.  In one day we can feel such an array of emotions that make us feel like we should be admitted, but its a beautiful thing.

Amongst this crazy, the hard days, the long nights… when I look at those precious babies that were entrusted into my care, into my heart, I am grateful.  My heart is exploding for love for them… especially when I spy on their sleeping faces at night.  My heart is full.

Until tomorrow morning when nap time doesn’t go as planned……

 

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Becoming a Mom

I’m sure many of you can relate, you’re young, fall in love, get married and start thinking about what it will look like to become a mom.  I did.  We were married at 21, and after a year of marriage decided we would start trying for our family, surely it would go as planned, and we could be done having our kids by the time we were 30.  We started trying in the summer, so we would have a spring baby, because spring is the time of new beginnings, new life.

Nope.

Not for 5 years.

We couldn’t get pregnant. For no reason at all.  We were in the ambiguous category of “unexplained infertility”. Awesome.  I’m an information person, if there is information, details, diagnosis, I can study it, I can find ways to maybe make things better, or accept what can’t change. But “unexplained”, or “there’s no reason this isn’t happening” was heart breaking.  To all standards, we should be able to have children, but it wasn’t happening.

We prayed, we hoped, we cried.  I talked to so many encouraging people, those who had children, those who struggled with infertility, those were were never able to have children (and some who chose not to).  My world became completed consumed with this. It was exhausting.  It took tolls on my family, friends, community, church, it took the biggest toll on me.

On our last cycle of IUI (intrauterine insemination (commonly referred to as the turkey baster method)), I became pregnant. It was the shock of a life time let me tell you.  This positive test, would be just the beginning of my journey into mommy-hood, and staring to learn who this new person, I would be become.

At 7 weeks, we had the next surprise, that we were expected not one, but two sweet babies! SHOCK! But this was going to be amazing.

I had an incredibly healthy pregnancy, no complications, and at 36wks3days, my water broke, and the next day we welcomed our little man cub, and little lady cub into the world.  In December…. not in the spring.  But that was exactly how it was suppose to be.

The last 10 months have been a whirlwind of change and excitement and tears and long days.  Smiles and laughter and everything in between.  I have learned a lot, on being a parent, on being a completely different parent than what I expected.  I’ve learned a lot of my P-Daddy, and have fallen even more in love with him.  And I’m even more grateful for our family and friends, who have loved on us in more ways than I can count.

I’m excited to share all the things I have found a long the way that have helped make my life easier, and give you a glimpse into my world with twins.  Writing again gives me joy, to do something for me, so stay tuned as I start to figure out where this will all go… until next time

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Let’s start at the beginning

This blog has been stagnant for many months… ok, ok, a year.  But that is going to change!  My dear hubby is going to create for me a new website (YAY!) and my friend Mel, from Mossee & Co. is designing a new logo for Keltie Says – so that can only mean… Hello, blog!

But, it will be different now, because now, I am the proud mama to 9month old boy/girl twins…. you’ll know them as the ManCub and our Little Lady Cub.  They are pretty cute, keep our world busy and full of excitement (and a few tears).  Since having the twins, I have found some amazing products, recipes, how-to’s, organizational tips and all that’s in between and it has reignited my desire to blog and share those things with others.

So, please join me in this little adventure of Keltie Says.

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Review: Fireside Forks

I had the opportunity the other weekend to try out the new Fireside Fork by Imagine Camping.  Creator Randy Brouwer created this great roasting fork that would solve many of the complaints that many have with traditional roasting forks.   From their website: “Sure to bring years of outdoor enjoyment, this hotdog roasting tool is perfect for campers, hunters, backpackers, RVs and family enjoyment. Another attachment that can be purchased is a Marshmallow Fork. Individual parts will be available for sale. These forks are designed to last a lifetime, and can easily be repaired if misused.”

 

Prices for these are:

FireSide Fork: $12.50; Marshmallow Fork $4.50; Carry Case $9.95

Or you can buy a 2 Fork Set with Case for $40 – and if you want you can get your handle customized with your name on it for $5.

Totally reasonable, and totally worth it!

 

When I first saw these, what drew me in the most was the ability for them to collapse and be stored in a sweet little case making them easy to store & transport, and also that no one gets poked when packing or carrying them.  Next, I was intrigued by the marshmellow attachment.  So many forks have prongs that are too far a part for marshmellows, and this one was perfect to fit one on and it didn’t so quickly fall off either.

 

The Fork also has a sweet wooden handle as well as 2nd piece of wood which can be used to help with the ease of twirling the fork for an even roasted hotdog!  Like I said it is collapsable and breaks down into 3 parts and you can fit 2 into one case which makes for easy transport and storage!

 

Here are some photos from our outing:

photo 1 photo 2 photo 3 photo 4 photo 5

 

I will be using them again next weekend when I am away and doing more of a comparison to some other roasting sticks, so stay tuned for Part 2.  If you are interested in buying them, check out their website to order online or to see a list of where they are available!!

 

I highly recommend upgrading your roasting forks to these! I’m loving how easy they are to use, store and transport, makes it much easier to pack up to go for a fire – right up my alley!   If you have tried them, leave a comment and let me know what you think of them!

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Wise Friends

I have some amazing friends in my life.  Some whom I’ve been friends with since I was a child, some since a teen, some only as an adult.  Some are my age, some are not.  Some are in my life stage, some are not.  I love the variety of people I am blessed to call friend.

Since getting pregnant, I have had all sorts of emotions and anxieties, this is after all what the goal was, but when it finally happened, it was surreal.  Then it became real, but I still struggled with how to act, feel, what to say, how to do it ‘right’. After all this is what we wanted, even when people would constantly shed light on the “when you’re pregnant….” or “just wait until you have kids….” scenarios, and reminded me over and over to be grateful that I still have freedom.

I was grateful, but that never took away my desire to have children. So, here I am pregnant, with TWINS (which truly was a surprise as they are not that common unless you do IVF and we didn’t) and navigating through how to be in this new phase.

In the same week, I met with 2 of my best girlfriends, and was sharing honestly with them that I was struggling, that I knew this is what I wanted, but felt guilty that I was having a hard time finding the joy in the ever changing situation that would be our life.  They nodded and agreed, we kind and loving, they listened.  After a while of sharing, they both in their own words told me that: Although our conception journey’s were different, mine long, theirs short, that didn’t define what our pregnancy journey’s were like.  Just because I struggled to get pregnant didn’t mean I no longer could be honest about the highs and lows of pregnancy, or motherhood.  The same as just because it was easy for them, didn’t get them the right to complain.  Pregnancy is where we all start new, how we get there is different, but then we are there, all on this same journey.

It was freeing for me to hear.  As I didn’t know how to act going from identifying – well I should say, finding my identity in infertility for all those years, to now being pregnant.  But at least with them I started to be able to find my voice, to celebrate my joys, and to be honest about my lows, I was grateful.

Yesterday, I sat in my OB’s office and talked about my concern with anxiety as birth approaches & risks of post-partum.  She too talked about how those who struggle with infertility are often higher risk because there is this idea that since they had to work harder to get pregnant, that they must do everything right and by themselves.  (I have thought these exact things!) She reminded me that I need help, especially with twins, and that I will have good days and bad.  That these little humans whom I will love and adore, will also cause me tears and grief. But that is becoming a parent.   I left with a calmness, because after all, I can do this.

Not alone, not perfect. But with the support and love of my family and friends.

I shared with her what my friends had said, and she smiled and told me that those 2 are worth their weight in gold, that they are treasures.

I feel the same way.  So, to my dear friends, I love you, and am grateful for you.  These babies are going to be so lucky to have you in their life, and I am forever blessed to call you friends!

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DIY: Homemade Bathroom Scrub

I keep a fairly clean home and I actually don’t mind cleaning because as I clean I get to organize, there is a sense of accomplishment and when it is all done it feels wonderful.  The part of the house that I completely dislike cleaning though, the bathroom!  No matter what cleaning products I have bought in the past and no matter how much I scrub, scrub, scrub, I never feel like the tubs are actually totally clean.

 

My dear friend and I were talking about cleaning products and comparing how easy it is to make them, as long as you find a recipe that actually works well.  She told me about her bathroom scrub that she started using and shared that it made a HUGE difference, even after the bathroom had been cleaned, this scrub took off even more soap scum!

 

Yesterday after we had breakfast we headed up to Edible Island to buy the necessary ingredients for me to make my own bathroom scrub. Its so simple and let me tell you, it works amazingly!  I scrubbed out the tub and with ease the soap scum came right off and the bathroom sparkled!!! YAY!

 

If you want to try it here’s the recipe:

1/4cup baking soda

1/4cup washing soda

3/4-1cup castile soap

20 drops of whichever essential oils you wish

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I love the sunshine!

I love sunshine! I really do! Usually, during the warm summer months, you can find me sprawled out on a warm spot of sand at my favourite beach, a book in hand, maybe a Starbucks too, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin; playing with the sand between my toes; and finding my way to water to be refreshed for some more sun time!

This year however, that is not my story.

I have heard from many mamas-to-be that during pregnancy its like you have an additional ‘built-in-heater’, it makes sense of course, but I never really understood what it would be like.

Its insane!

I’m so warm – all of the time!

Like right now, as I write this, sitting in front of my fan, I am hot. Bleh, sweat!

These little heaters have cranked the heat in my body (maybe they are cold?!) and with the additional HOT summer we are having, I am cooking.  This year, you can find me at the beach, occasionally, sitting in my chair (because its neither comfortable to lie on my back or my front anymore) under my umbrella (I might let my feet sneak out in the sunshine) and drinking copious amounts of water.  I am swimming more than I usually do as I need to somehow feel refreshed.  Another favourite activity, cold baths, which sound so unappealing, but now, they are a godsend.

I am looking forward to the fall, when I hope that my internal temperature doesn’t feel like I am baking on a hot island, but rather that I feel like I can go for a walk without the possibility of heatstroke or dehydration!

I am grateful I am only 20 weeks along right now, mind you with twins, its more like 26ish.  I send a HUGE shout out to my mama friends who are closer to full term and are cooking.  You can do this! We will survive!

For now, I’ll enjoy the sunshine from inside my A/C house, and anticipate when the fall arrives!

Happy Sunshine to each of you!

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Surprise & Anticipation!

I’ve been writing this post for a while, a long while. But every time I work on it, I hit a wall, thinking to myself – “what if its not interesting? or well written? or anyone cares?”

I was out for coffee with a friend the other day and I was struck that this is my blog and I am writing for me. Not writing for those who might stumble upon it or for anyone specific, I really am just writing or me, but every time, I hit that wall.  Today I change that.

 

Many of you who check in here often, know that we have desired to have children for a long time.  It’s been a long journey, but we were faithful and trusted that God would answer our prayers and fulfill our desire for children one day.

That day came.

In April.

We were shocked.

After negative home tests we were convinced once again another cycle ended in no pregnancy.  We were crushed, and this time seemed more difficult than others. We didn’t understand, felt broken, lost and knew we would take a break to re-group and re-evaluate. Even our closest friends seemed confused at the result.  2 of my closest friends encouraged me to make sure to get my blood test anyway, just to confirm.  I didn’t feel the same way, but knew our dr would want blood results so I made sure to stop in and get that done.  Expecting the results to be negative, I went into my account to confirm, and then we could really just move on.

Except, it wasn’t negative. It was positive.

I didn’t sleep that night, as I could hardly believe that we were actually pregnant.  The next day, I called our specialist to confirm the results. We spoke, she said I needed another blood test the next day to make sure the results were going up and that it was a viable pregnancy.   Those results came back, they had almost tripled.  The confirmation was what I needed, it started to sink in and we shared our joyous news with our family and closest friends.  We had an ultrasound scheduled for 7wks with our specialist to confirm everything was going well, and as long as it was, our care from them would be complete.

It was our 7th anniversary, we went to our appointment, was nervous with anticipation.  The Dr found our baby, we saw a heartbeat and cried joyous tears.  He let us ooo and aaah for a moment and then moved the doppler around a little more and said “and here’s your other baby”

What! An other baby… I couldn’t believe it.  Phil from the beginning thought it would be twins, his response: Boom, I told you it was twins!

From there on out we started adjusting to the fact that we were finally pregnant with not one, but two sweet blessings. This is amazing.

Fast forward a few weeks.  We are now 17 weeks pregnant and doing well. Babies are growing like crazy! I’m feeling well. We are very excited.  Babies are due to arrive in December and we can’t wait to meet them 🙂

Will keep my blog more updated with the happenings!

 

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