Last night was a big night in our household. The Twinsies had their 1st sleepover at gramma and grampa’s house!! P.Daddy turns 30 on Monday, and I wanted to celebrate with our friends, so planned a later evening get-together for once the kiddos were in bed, that we could enjoy the evening sans kids and celebrate the big 3-0. I had asked my mom if on Saturday morning (today) when the kids woke up I could drop them off for the morning, leaving Phil to sleep and then I could come back home and either go back to bed, or have some at home quiet time – both which was most welcome and rare. The answer was yes, and we planned for that.
Then, after speaking with my dad, they asked if they could take the twins overnight, to really give us a night off! Woohoo! Of course we said yes. The twins are no longer nursing, sleeping fairly well at night, and are super comfortable with my parents. Plus, if it all goes bad, its one night, and we are 5 minutes away.
I didn’t realize the range of emotions I would feel though after saying yes to the sleepover. As much as I have longed for a night without them, some adult conversation uninterrupted by little voices, or being able to sleep deeply without listening for someones cries; I have also found purpose and comfort in the fact that for the last 14.5months, I have have been their person. I’m the one they need. I know what their different cries, expressions, actions mean. I know their schedule better than anyone. I know how to cuddle them just right. I’m the one who tucks the blanket cozy around them at bedtime. Me.
But, I knew that my parents are more than capable, they have so got this! I knew that it was important for Phil and I to be a couple, hang out with our friends and enjoy this time. I knew that the sleep would be most welcome, especially after the last few weeks of being sick. It was the exact thing that we needed to do, and I had to let go of control (not my best ability).
This year, I am wanting to find who I am again. Who am I, when I am not defined as wife or mother. Those are my favorite roles, of course. But I also wish to know who I am as an individual. For the last 5 years I was consumed by circumstance in many ways — 1st infertility; then pregnancy – high risk pregnancy at that; the arrival of the twins – navigating and surviving all the busyness that comes with that. But now, things have shifted. The twins have more self-play time, and are finding independence. During the day, I have time to enjoy a hot tea or coffee while I listen to their interactions. We can get out easily and do many things.
Last night reminded me, that although Phil and I are very different people compared to who we were before kids, we are still a couple, still need to take care of that. We are still individuals, and need to take care of that person too. And, mostly, it reminded me that we have such an amazing community of people in our life. Friends who we love spending time with, and family who loves us and our kids as much as we do.
So, today, I am enjoying a coffee, and a brownie (leftovers from last nights party). I’m enjoying the sun streaming through the window, and the quiet. But I am also looking forward to picking up the twins and seeing their bright smiley faces, which I love so much.Pin It