I have some amazing friends in my life. Some whom I’ve been friends with since I was a child, some since a teen, some only as an adult. Some are my age, some are not. Some are in my life stage, some are not. I love the variety of people I am blessed to call friend.
Since getting pregnant, I have had all sorts of emotions and anxieties, this is after all what the goal was, but when it finally happened, it was surreal. Then it became real, but I still struggled with how to act, feel, what to say, how to do it ‘right’. After all this is what we wanted, even when people would constantly shed light on the “when you’re pregnant….” or “just wait until you have kids….” scenarios, and reminded me over and over to be grateful that I still have freedom.
I was grateful, but that never took away my desire to have children. So, here I am pregnant, with TWINS (which truly was a surprise as they are not that common unless you do IVF and we didn’t) and navigating through how to be in this new phase.
In the same week, I met with 2 of my best girlfriends, and was sharing honestly with them that I was struggling, that I knew this is what I wanted, but felt guilty that I was having a hard time finding the joy in the ever changing situation that would be our life. They nodded and agreed, we kind and loving, they listened. After a while of sharing, they both in their own words told me that: Although our conception journey’s were different, mine long, theirs short, that didn’t define what our pregnancy journey’s were like. Just because I struggled to get pregnant didn’t mean I no longer could be honest about the highs and lows of pregnancy, or motherhood. The same as just because it was easy for them, didn’t get them the right to complain. Pregnancy is where we all start new, how we get there is different, but then we are there, all on this same journey.
It was freeing for me to hear. As I didn’t know how to act going from identifying – well I should say, finding my identity in infertility for all those years, to now being pregnant. But at least with them I started to be able to find my voice, to celebrate my joys, and to be honest about my lows, I was grateful.
Yesterday, I sat in my OB’s office and talked about my concern with anxiety as birth approaches & risks of post-partum. She too talked about how those who struggle with infertility are often higher risk because there is this idea that since they had to work harder to get pregnant, that they must do everything right and by themselves. (I have thought these exact things!) She reminded me that I need help, especially with twins, and that I will have good days and bad. That these little humans whom I will love and adore, will also cause me tears and grief. But that is becoming a parent. I left with a calmness, because after all, I can do this.
Not alone, not perfect. But with the support and love of my family and friends.
I shared with her what my friends had said, and she smiled and told me that those 2 are worth their weight in gold, that they are treasures.
I feel the same way. So, to my dear friends, I love you, and am grateful for you. These babies are going to be so lucky to have you in their life, and I am forever blessed to call you friends!Pin It