Yesterday marked that the twins are now 15 months. Whoa, where has the time gone. We were discussing with friends that I actually have a very foggy recollection of this time last year as I had 3 month old twins, was sleep deprived and finding my way.

Today I have 15 month old twins, still am sleep deprived (because I stay up too late, gah!) and am finding my way.

I’m learning, that I will always be learning. We get into a good routine or schedule or for a fleeting moment think “We’ve got this figured out” only for things to change. Someone gets sick, or we go away, or our day is mixed up for appointments, someone has a growth spurt… the list goes on. But as soon as we find ourself in a routine, we are also changing that exact routine.

Enter: Naps.

It was a big deal to get the twins on a 3 nap schedule.

Then they transitioned to 2. Drama, drama, drama!

Now, they are dipping their toes in the option of only having one nap! Don’t get me wrong, I look forward to this and the freedom it will bring, that I would actually be able to leave the house during the day without rushing back for naps, or I could enjoy the quiet of one long nap. But for now, we are fighting the desire to be awake, the need to sleep and finding the balance in that.

For example, on Tuesday’s we go to a ladies bible study in the morning (the twins get to play with the other kids), which means Tuesday’s they don’t have their morning nap. It also means that the drive home, I am singing, making silly noises, passing back snacks and drinks, and trying to keep them away on the 15 minute drive home, so that when we arrive home, they can have a quick lunch and go to bed. Should they fall asleep on that drive, they somehow believe they have napped, and no longer need it, which I disagree. But, because Tuesday is a one nap day, on Wednesday, I find we stay home in the morning, so they can have 2 naps, they often need it. So for every day that is successfully a one-nap day, a 2 nap day seems to follow.

However, yesterday was a one nap day, the last 2 hours of the day were rough. Nothing could go right, and we just got through. Thankfully there were breaks in the tears and meltdowns during bathtime and bedtime stories and bottles. But by 6:30p.m we put them to bed, we were done and so were they. Normally the twins go to bed between 7-7:30. Today we had church, so traditionally, I wake them up early, so I can get them down for a nap before we go. But they slept till 8 (and I was too tired to wake up) and we thought we’d try 2 days in a row of 1 nap. The morning went well, lunch was a little touch and go, but they were more than ready for their nap. Again today, the afternoon was full of tears and meltdowns at various points for various reasons, but we made it to bedtime…. at 6:30p.m.

I sit here tonight thinking about our day tomorrow – we have friends visiting so we’ll get out for a hike or adventure, and I’m trying to plan with our new “unknown schedule” in mind. For me, letting go and just going with the flow is hard, I like routine and control, so even this small changes can throw me off. But instead of waking them early, or trying to control things, I’m trying to let tomorrow unfold as it will. With one nap or two, with catnaps in the car, with naps in the stroller or the carrier.

This schedule is ever changing, always evolving, and every time it does I learn a little more about myself, my babies teach me a little more about them, and we adjust a little quicker together. I’m learning it doesn’t have to be perfect, exact or right, it can just be what it is, and each day can be new and different. So, even with our changing nap schedule, I will find the joy in our adventures, and the laugher amongst the chaos.